warning: this is a depressing post. if you can't take it, please do not read. FAILURE: The condition of not achieving or falling short of the desired end or expectations, by dictionary.com
i hate it when i fall short of expectations, be it myself or others. it leaves me feeling unaccomplished and hopeless. failure for me, used to be something that made me feel as if it was me against the world. it used to make me so depressed that i'll motivate myself to study harder. but having grown so immune to failure now, it has led me into seeing failure from a totally different perspective.
now failure for me, appears to be something that causes you to lower your expectations of yourself, because you know that success is too late. i don't know why, but i can hardly shed a tear now, when i chance upon failure. now, i'll look at it, chuckle over it, and then chuck it away. and it's not normal because, in the past, i've easily cried buckets whenever i failed. it's especially disheartening to know that you've tried your best, and you still fail. if 'not trying your best' = failure, and 'trying your best' = failure isn't it just common sense to see that failure = moments when you are 'trying your best' or 'not trying your best'. see, i told you success is too late.
as i mentioned in my previous post, we've been getting pep talks everyday. i know to some, these talks appear nonsensical and a complete waste of time. but strangely, to me, these talks actually encourage me and make me want to study harder [afterall, that's the main reason why they have pep talks]. one more thing, i feel really bad when i get this impression that the teachers are trying harder than you even are. i mean, at the end of the day, they're not the ones taking the examinations right? -cla
